Gravity/It's working against me/Gravity/Oh It Wants to Bring Me Down

This is a line from my favorite John Mayer song. I prefer the live version, all 9 minutes of it. John's sultry voice and amazing guitar skills get me every time.
Yesterday, I ventured to church, where I haven't gone sans mi familia in a long time. I've never particularly been fond of church growing up and even up until recently. I go with my mom when I'm home only because I never wanted her to go alone or with just my sister. However, I've recently begun to actually enjoy church. I think I've finally realized how BLESSED I am. I've complained and been through so many difficult obstacles that I've never sat back and realized I've pulled through each situation. I played the woe is me card for far too long. My life could be a great deal worse, but here I am. Still standing. Each day is a blessing, I have the ability to wake up, function for myself, attend a university, pursue a college degree, have a family, have great friends, and still have some sanity about me. Sure, my life is greatly different than how I pictured it. Yet, I feel I had to make this unexpected journey to find myself and to find purpose. I may still be looking, but firmly believe the hands of God are here to direct me further to wherever He sees me. I just feel a sense of calm and optimism that I let go a LONG time ago.

On a side note, Lent is going well. Not having Coke is probably the worst part. I think I'm having caffeine withdrawals. My head hurts a lot, and I constantly feel I want to hurl. It's been almost a week, so hopefully my body will adjust more by this Wednesday.

I'll Be Captivated, I'll Hang from Your Lips

Yesterday is a day many of us are familiar with: Ash Wednesday. So it begins, the 40 days of Lent. This year, I have given up cokes, fried food, and liquor. These are probably things I should give up in general, but I suppose Lent is a great reason to let them go. Last night also began my further commitment to my faith and devotion to God. I know I talk ridiculous and say things I probably shouldn't say, but my faith has never wavered. My relationship with God has been the foundation and the healing I needed to get through these past months. I feel selfish. God has provided, and I have been greedy, needy, and not completely devoted to being in His presence. I honestly feel my life is happier and less complicated as I spend more time basked in His glory and surrounded by people who share my beliefs. For Ash Wednesday's service, my friends and I went to the campus Catholic church. I should point out that none of us are Catholic (3 Methodists and a Baptist). As a Methodist, we basically perform the same acts and traditions, so the service wasn't too unfamiliar. We decided to go to the Catholic church because they were the only ones having service so late at night so all of us could attend. I just felt compelled to readmit and re-dedicate my life to God. I have been meaning to go to church more often, but I am dedicated to doing it this time. I don't feel church makes one person better than another Christian, but I feel it helps keep someone in tune with his or her Christian faith. The Lord has provided so much for me, the least I can do is continue my faith.
On a side note, I hung out with my friend Ben tonight. I may sort of, kind of, maybe have a thing for his roommate. However, since Ben and Nick have stopped speaking to each other, it makes it complicated to say hello to Nick when I'm leaving their apartment. I think Ben expects me to choose sides. Nick has never personally done anything bad to me, so I cannot NOT like him. I don't know what's going on with them, as Ben will not say. Nick has made several attempts to reach out, but this friendship may finally be at a closing point. Nick texted me after I left saying he didn't want to be awkward and have Ben waiting for me. I replied Ben can be territorial but he doesn't own me. If I want to talk to Nick, I will. Ben knows my feelings for Nick, though he doesn't understand them. Nick replied, yeah now you know why I don't date girls who are friends with Ben. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?! Could there be something with me and Nick? Does he like me?
Did I mention I'm taking Nick to my sorority's formal?
This is where a margarita would really come in handy.