Long day. I'm dealing with changing jobs. Currently, I have sold my soul to UT's Housing department. What started as a "just kidding" job has turned into a legit money making scheme. So, now I'm working on a few applications. Great. I hate doing this. However, I really have nothing to do next semester so I might as well find a better job.
#7 of my list of Thanks
Laughing and dancing with friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O1obsjWjCY
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Building Up, Tearing Down
I haven't made it much of a secret that I really like music. Though I'll listen to it, I can sometimes despise popular songs. They tend to have no meaning and are all cranked out of some magical sound machine I hope to destroy. I like music no one knows, that's random, but always conveys a meaning. Songwriters remind me of being in a city. I know that's weird, but the majestic and touching meanings provide hope for me. The spiritual understanding through the songs can only be paralleled by the feeling I receive every time I see (or am in) a city. The relationship I have with the songwriter (and hopefully the singer) is like our own secret. A song touches a person differently, and I wish I could more accurately describe the feelings behind songs. Especially songs that are epic and life changing.
On the flip side, I listen to people like John Mayer and Kings of Leon, who have recently become popular. In my defense, John Mayer sticks to his blues/country/rock influence with each one of his albums. Battle Studies is no exception. Only into my first full day of listening to his album has led me down a spiritual road. It's beautiful how his lyrics form and flow together, building you up through his lyrics and tearing you down with the pain you feel through his exceptional guitar playing and bluesy singing. Kings of Leon. I listen to their records everyday. Just to point out, I listening to KOL LONG before "Only By the Night." OBTN is an amazing record though. It's melodic, painful, uplifting, and while hurting the listener with each song. They've come a long way since Youth and Young Manhood, but Caleb has continuously push buttons with his lyrics and style of singing.
I'm currently planning my exit out of this town. Officially. The world has something to offer me, and I need to discover what it is. Honestly, I really want to pull a Madonna and live with 10 people in one house in NYC. To just LIVE. Sure, food and money will be scarce, but my HEART will be full.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so trapped.
Thankful #8: The Songwriter and Singer
On the flip side, I listen to people like John Mayer and Kings of Leon, who have recently become popular. In my defense, John Mayer sticks to his blues/country/rock influence with each one of his albums. Battle Studies is no exception. Only into my first full day of listening to his album has led me down a spiritual road. It's beautiful how his lyrics form and flow together, building you up through his lyrics and tearing you down with the pain you feel through his exceptional guitar playing and bluesy singing. Kings of Leon. I listen to their records everyday. Just to point out, I listening to KOL LONG before "Only By the Night." OBTN is an amazing record though. It's melodic, painful, uplifting, and while hurting the listener with each song. They've come a long way since Youth and Young Manhood, but Caleb has continuously push buttons with his lyrics and style of singing.
I'm currently planning my exit out of this town. Officially. The world has something to offer me, and I need to discover what it is. Honestly, I really want to pull a Madonna and live with 10 people in one house in NYC. To just LIVE. Sure, food and money will be scarce, but my HEART will be full.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so trapped.
Thankful #8: The Songwriter and Singer
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
How To Mend A Broken Heart
"How can you mend this broken [wo]man?
Just stop the rain from falling down
Come on and help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again"
-BeeGees
There are 2 recordings of this song that I enjoy. The first is the original by the BeeGees. Not only has this song helped me through hard times, but it reminds me of being a child listening to music with my mother. The second, is by Al Green. As a Memphis native, I can't help but listen to his music. Though I love both versions, sometimes, such as this, I prefer Al Green's. It's sad, drawn out, and full of pain. I can feel my heart breaking along with his. After Joey and I broke up this summer, I listened to this song over and over. Losing him made me feel like I would never LIVE again, like I could never pick myself up, and move on with my life. Everyday I would sit in my room and wonder why God would put Joey in my life if he was only going to cause me pain. After months and several prayers later, I think I've found the answers. Joey came into my life to show me what love actually is. He showed me how desperate I was to get married. Joey also helped me learn to stand on my feet. As mentioned in the last post, I can finally stand on my own 2 feet without feeling I'll need someone to constantly hold my hand. But the best lesson Joey gave me was my new-found faith in God. I've never been much of a church person, but that's for a later post. However, I just love the Lord and the message in which He stands. I may not be the nicest person, but I believe in being just and fair. I believe in being a good person, a true person, and in treating others as human beings. The Lord gave me a new compassion for life, something I thought I'd lost a long time ago. I feel renewed and re-awakened. I feel invincible, my heart is open for love, but most importantly, I have come to accept myself. The Lord is giving me direction, and though I have digressed and fallen off His trail many times, I think I have finally begun to fully believe and understand that I should leave my life in His hands. The Lord knows what is best for me.
There will probably be many more posts about Joey, my life, and my family. But I'm not quite ready to tap into Pandora's emotional box just yet.
#9 on my Thankful list: The Lord's Salvation, with which I would be nothing. I don't really like Christian "symbols," as I feel you can find the Lord in Nature and everything He created.
Just stop the rain from falling down
Come on and help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again"
-BeeGees
There are 2 recordings of this song that I enjoy. The first is the original by the BeeGees. Not only has this song helped me through hard times, but it reminds me of being a child listening to music with my mother. The second, is by Al Green. As a Memphis native, I can't help but listen to his music. Though I love both versions, sometimes, such as this, I prefer Al Green's. It's sad, drawn out, and full of pain. I can feel my heart breaking along with his. After Joey and I broke up this summer, I listened to this song over and over. Losing him made me feel like I would never LIVE again, like I could never pick myself up, and move on with my life. Everyday I would sit in my room and wonder why God would put Joey in my life if he was only going to cause me pain. After months and several prayers later, I think I've found the answers. Joey came into my life to show me what love actually is. He showed me how desperate I was to get married. Joey also helped me learn to stand on my feet. As mentioned in the last post, I can finally stand on my own 2 feet without feeling I'll need someone to constantly hold my hand. But the best lesson Joey gave me was my new-found faith in God. I've never been much of a church person, but that's for a later post. However, I just love the Lord and the message in which He stands. I may not be the nicest person, but I believe in being just and fair. I believe in being a good person, a true person, and in treating others as human beings. The Lord gave me a new compassion for life, something I thought I'd lost a long time ago. I feel renewed and re-awakened. I feel invincible, my heart is open for love, but most importantly, I have come to accept myself. The Lord is giving me direction, and though I have digressed and fallen off His trail many times, I think I have finally begun to fully believe and understand that I should leave my life in His hands. The Lord knows what is best for me.
There will probably be many more posts about Joey, my life, and my family. But I'm not quite ready to tap into Pandora's emotional box just yet.
#9 on my Thankful list: The Lord's Salvation, with which I would be nothing. I don't really like Christian "symbols," as I feel you can find the Lord in Nature and everything He created.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Comfortable
Our love was comfortable
And so broken in
She's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed
I want you back
"Comfortable"- John Mayer
(Substitute "she's" for "he's."
I think about these lyrics more than I should. This past summer, I finally ended things with my long time boyfriend. After 2 1/2 years together, I guess he realized he wanted someone else. Not talking to him since June has actually been a good thing for me. I realized how dependent I was on him. Looking back, I can't believe I let someone have that much control over me. By not talking to him, no communication, nothing whatsoever, caused me to fully stand on my own feet. Since then, I quit depending on people, and I quit catering to people's needs over my own. I AM NOT a security blanket. If you have a problem, please come to me. I really quit saying what people want to hear. I mean, where is that going to get you in the long run? As your friend, I would hope you would want me to be completely honest with you. I would never do anything to downright hurt someone's feelings, even though people tend to think that of me. I'm sorry, but I'm a strong person, which is why I've made it this far, and is why I will continue to succeed. I can't let small things/events hurt me anymore. Life is too short. You want to be mad at me? Ok. As Garth Brooks put it, "I've never found what I couldn't resist, what I couldn't turn down. I can walk away from anyone I ever knew." It's a strong statement to make, but I cannot allow myself to go back to a relationship or friendship where I cannot be myself. This mindset is probably the reason why I have few close friends, but I prefer it that way. If we can grow together as friends and be honest with each other, then I view that as a success. I don't have the time to build your self-confidence over and over. Hence why it's called SELF- confidence. Don't misunderstand me, I'm true to my friends. I'm probably the most loyal person. No one messes with my friends.
On a lighter note, since Thanksgiving is 10 days away, here is # 10 on my list of things I'm thankful for.
#10- Starbucks coffee. I actually have this cup :]
And so broken in
She's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed
I want you back
"Comfortable"- John Mayer
(Substitute "she's" for "he's."
I think about these lyrics more than I should. This past summer, I finally ended things with my long time boyfriend. After 2 1/2 years together, I guess he realized he wanted someone else. Not talking to him since June has actually been a good thing for me. I realized how dependent I was on him. Looking back, I can't believe I let someone have that much control over me. By not talking to him, no communication, nothing whatsoever, caused me to fully stand on my own feet. Since then, I quit depending on people, and I quit catering to people's needs over my own. I AM NOT a security blanket. If you have a problem, please come to me. I really quit saying what people want to hear. I mean, where is that going to get you in the long run? As your friend, I would hope you would want me to be completely honest with you. I would never do anything to downright hurt someone's feelings, even though people tend to think that of me. I'm sorry, but I'm a strong person, which is why I've made it this far, and is why I will continue to succeed. I can't let small things/events hurt me anymore. Life is too short. You want to be mad at me? Ok. As Garth Brooks put it, "I've never found what I couldn't resist, what I couldn't turn down. I can walk away from anyone I ever knew." It's a strong statement to make, but I cannot allow myself to go back to a relationship or friendship where I cannot be myself. This mindset is probably the reason why I have few close friends, but I prefer it that way. If we can grow together as friends and be honest with each other, then I view that as a success. I don't have the time to build your self-confidence over and over. Hence why it's called SELF- confidence. Don't misunderstand me, I'm true to my friends. I'm probably the most loyal person. No one messes with my friends.
On a lighter note, since Thanksgiving is 10 days away, here is # 10 on my list of things I'm thankful for.
#10- Starbucks coffee. I actually have this cup :]
Friday, November 13, 2009
Things
A generic heading, I agree. Things? What are things? Things are tangible items people feel they need to have. What if you didn't have "things," would you still be the same person? Would you act, dress, talk, sway, dance, move, wish, dream, desire if you didn't have the "things" you loved? Do THINGS make the person? Can you "be" the person you are without THINGS?
I'll dive into my own personality. I dress conservative, I have to match, and I have to feel fierce all at the same time. What kind of person does that make me? Do my clothes and my insistence on dressing to a T define who I am? Without my "things" can I de-value my personality? My clothes are a definition of who I am. BUT they do not DEFINE me. Growing up, I was taught you only get once shot at a first impression. I dress to impress or to intimidate. People see that I dress well and assume I am successful and carry myself a certain way. True. However, there are times when I am not successful and my clothes do not save me. You can put a homeless person in a Gucci suit, but at the end of the day, he or she will still be homeless. People who have tons of money, wearing the most expensive suits can still feel insecure.
My point is this: let your personality shine through your clothes, yet don't let your clothes define who you are. I am confident without my clothes or makeup. I have this confidence because I refuse to let anyone belittle me. Clothes cannot MAKE the person you are. If you truly have the self confidence you wish to shine, LET IT. Clothes are a backup, an enhancement if you will, to who you are. At the end of the day, who you are as a PERSON defines who you are. Just because a person has THINGS does not make he or she a happy person. I would much rather be happy and content with my life then struggle everyday to be an individual trying desperately to prove myself. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I wish people, and girls in particular, would learn to be good internal people.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,
is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle
I'll dive into my own personality. I dress conservative, I have to match, and I have to feel fierce all at the same time. What kind of person does that make me? Do my clothes and my insistence on dressing to a T define who I am? Without my "things" can I de-value my personality? My clothes are a definition of who I am. BUT they do not DEFINE me. Growing up, I was taught you only get once shot at a first impression. I dress to impress or to intimidate. People see that I dress well and assume I am successful and carry myself a certain way. True. However, there are times when I am not successful and my clothes do not save me. You can put a homeless person in a Gucci suit, but at the end of the day, he or she will still be homeless. People who have tons of money, wearing the most expensive suits can still feel insecure.
My point is this: let your personality shine through your clothes, yet don't let your clothes define who you are. I am confident without my clothes or makeup. I have this confidence because I refuse to let anyone belittle me. Clothes cannot MAKE the person you are. If you truly have the self confidence you wish to shine, LET IT. Clothes are a backup, an enhancement if you will, to who you are. At the end of the day, who you are as a PERSON defines who you are. Just because a person has THINGS does not make he or she a happy person. I would much rather be happy and content with my life then struggle everyday to be an individual trying desperately to prove myself. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I wish people, and girls in particular, would learn to be good internal people.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,
is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I Love This Quote
This quote summarizes what I'm feeling and going through right now. When a person looks back and answers a question completely different from the first time, you find inner growth. I'm experiencing a great deal of personal growth at the moment. In the past year, I've burned quite a few bridges. Before, I couldn't let go. What if I needed that person in the future? Suddenly, I realized, it wasn't the reliance on the person I was so dependent on, but the familiarity I was accustomed to became too much to give up. It is hard to move on with life, but it will become a hurtful necessity in the future. Damaging relationships never move in any direction but down. It is an extremely life altering lesson to learn, but one that will have a greater, better.....impact later.
New Blog!
I suppose since everyone I know has a blog, I should make one as well, just to see what the hype is about.
"The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters."
Dear reader, I'm sure you have noticed the contradiction in the heading. Yes, it says "Southern Charm" with a picture of London's nighttime skyline. If you know anything about music, you will understand the correlation between England and it's influence on Southern music. If you do not, happy researching!
I have an obsession with cities. Though born outside one and not particularly raised in one, I have the desire to live in one. It's just so much easier! Everything you need, including your job and shopping, is all within a taxi ride or subway ride away, OR, heaven forbid, a walk away! There is none of this getting in and out of a car, trying to find a parking place, and becoming agitated by either.
I love the fast paced, hustle and bustle. I live my life fast. I make rash decisions, I am spontaneous, and have the attitude/street smarts to live in one.
Gah...if only.
I think I'll leave each blog with a quote to describe myself more, and so my dear readers can understand my obsessions and interests.
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